There is a world-wide obsession with thinness. Why? Being thin is promoted as the key to happiness – once thin you will be successful in love, with friends, at work… I believed this once and have moments when sometimes I still do. Its hard not to when you are bombarded with images of fabulous skinny women and are concurrently shown society’s revulsion for fat people. Ever since I was about 9 I have been “bigger than average” – tall for my age and also fatter. Its hard to be comfortable in yourself when you know people are judging you. Its hard when the clothes you want to buy dont fit you. Its even harder going from a size 10 to a 12 to a 14 to a 16 to an 18 and then the occasional 20. Size 16 is seen as being “too big” (even though 55% of women in USA  are a size 16 or over), so being a 20… Good god. You can get nice clothes in larger sizes, but that doesnt stop you being dissatisfied or even disgusted with yourself.

We are brought up to believe that fat is not sexy, that cellulite is our deadliest enemy, that lose a few pounds and you’ll get that man! Its all bullshit. I know it is – I’ve seen beautiful fat women, cellulite is natural and as for losing weight to get a man… I’ve never had any trouble with guys because I’m “large”. I can say all that, know it, but that doesnt really help. Here’s where my feminist side loses: I dont have a problem with other people being fat, but as for myself? I’d rather be a little thinner. I’m not as bad as I used to be, I have come to accept my size a hell of a lot more than I used to, but… When I look at myself in the mirror I was my waist went in a little more, that I had thinner thighs, more toned arms…

Most women experience this at some point in their lives, so should we accept it as natural? No. I dont think women should lie to themselves and pretend they’re happy, but I do think society should get over this ridiculous glorifying of thinness. Women are throwing up their food every day, starving themselves, dying. That is not natural. I have wished to have the willpower of an anorexic. How horrifying is that? Why dont we all step back and shout a big collective NO at the ideas and trends that are destroying women. Maybe not all women are suffering physically from eating disorders, but most of them are torturing themselves mentally. One day I hope to completely love my body, and one day I hope all sizes will be praised.